Great Expectations

The beginning of anything, whether spiritual growth, physical growth, maturity, marriage, etc comes with expectations. Hopes for what is to come. The desire to know what life will be like. The changes ahead. The goals. The dreams. The promises. The prospects. As is the case when you are expecting to bring a new life, a little blessing, into the world. Even from the very start of that precious life, we as parents begin to imagine the life that will unfold. What an incredible journey lies ahead! What abounding joy!

What utter emotional destruction when that life is taken away almost as quickly as it was started.

I want to share my journey, that it may be words of wisdom and encouragement to any couple that may go through this experience. I am now almost 17 weeks pregnant with a sweet child due in May 2012. The Lord has been so faithful to us! But before this little one, we had a miscarriage in July as I was just starting my 8th week of pregnancy. It has taken me a while to get to the point where I am able to share my (our) struggle as we grieve the loss of a precious life so temporary, yet already with a lifetime of expectations. Even at just a few weeks after finding out we were expecting, you have developed such an attachment to the life growing inside of you. This loss of our first baby was devastating.

Although almost 1 in 2 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, in the moment as you realize the loss of such an innocent life, you feel so alone, unsure of where or whom to turn to for help. A miscarriage is normally such a private matter, something often kept between spouses, and maybe family and close friends. We have decided to share publicly, that we may be a resource to those who may also be going through such an experience.

Over the last several weeks (and months), the Lord has reminded me that He gives me the strength to get through each day, each circumstance, each valley. The times we feel He has left us alone is when He is carrying us through each moment. He provides individuals in our lives to support us, encourage us, and guide us through the trials of this life. I thank our family and our friends for their outpouring of love and support. A special thanks to my mama who came and took care of me, held my hand at the doctor's office, and made us wonderful meals! I thank my mother-in-law for the information and pamphlets about coping with miscarriage and loss. I thank my sweet husband, who just held me when I needed it most. I thank the Lord, for allowing my heart to be joyful in my circumstances. I know there may still be difficult days ahead but I know that the generous strength the Lord gives me will cover me even in these times.

The Lord has given us such a passion and desire to be parents and we feel so blessed that He has been faithful to fulfill promise! He has blessed us now with a healthy pregnancy and I praise Him for protecting this baby and myself. Can't wait until May to meet this precious one! And I know that someday I will meet Baby Bolduc #1 in heaven when I meet the Lord!

I heard this song by Laura Story a few days after the miscarriage and it reminded me of promises from the Lord and really helped me cope with the loss of this little life.